Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I haven't written anything of significance here in a good long while. Such is the way of things.

For a long time I have battled with the things that are not able to be communicated. With away of experiencing life that cannot be shared with someone because one cannot communicate the entirety of an experience, especially if there are no common denominators by which to compare things.

It has been such a battle that I no longer wish to attempt or ponder such things. I slowly ignore these things more and more while letting the world seep into my consciousness and letting the people around me dictate who I am. They do not dictate what I will do, but are responsible for viewing my current and recent actions and judging them in the way that even I judge others. Perhaps it is impossible to break such a system, but I will try. It is love that I don't want to escape though. And I do not know how to get rid of the bullshit without also getting rid of love.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

"How were you to know that you were powerful, unless assassins were sent to kill you?"

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Dear mr fantasy play us a toon.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

This is my 101st post.

This is my 101st post.

Are we on the way up or the way down? Humanity, that is. This argument is plaguing thoughtful minds. It would seem that the most factual based thoughtful minds are in agreement that the world is crumbling under the fundamental flaws in all of us. I would argue, however, that to think all humans are flawed is such a Christian way of looking at things. By that I mean, because of the idea of original sin, there are a lot of people who are Christian who think that humanity is flawed beyond repair and born into original sin (god can save you of course.) I extend this same idea to those who do not believe in a god, but merely believe that humanity is flawed and cannot improve. Some think humanity can improve, but won't. Or, as I introduced, people who think humanitry (intended) is getting worse.

I don't believe individuals can understand each other, but can we as individuals understand humanity and/or society? Can we understand the direction it is heading? Or is it a too many headed creature? Because if we can revolutionize society, we will revolutionize ourselves. But I haven't found a way to do either yet. It has something to do with legacies, and their being bullshit.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

I'm not really saying anything, am I?

Have you ever wanted to do something that you keep almost doing but don't? I have. That exact pattern exists in my life right now!
I am so fucking ridiculously fed up with the entirety of the earth at this very moment. I am sick of the fickleness. I am sick of the dicklessness. Yes, all males have penises. Yes, they are different sizes. Yes, males like to have sex with females, except some who like to have sex with males. But no, I can't picture myself with a dick in my mouth, or one in my ass, or one in another's ass, so no, I am not gay. I do want to confront myself and my existence. I want to know the nature of the way I interact with others and the way I conduct my existence. Doesn't everyone? Or do people think they already know?

I think that is the problem with humanity: it is not skeptical enough.

People are so set in their ways; they are convinced that they are aware of their existence. I, however, am aware that I am completely unaware of my existence. I have no idea what is going on. I smile, laugh, and enjoy the entertainment. After that, I go to my room, to the house, and I eat, sleep, and enjoy the comforts and responsibilities that go along with house living. I lay in my bed and tinker around on my laptop. Sometimes I come home drunk, sometimes I come home high, and sometimes both. All times, I am happy and comfortable and loved. And I love others, but perhaps not enough. Perhaps I am so comfortable that I do not love others. Perhaps to love others is to be uncomfortable. I suggest that we all be comfortable. We should figure out if it is worth loving others, if we are all to be comfortable. Because to love others means to be uncomfortable. I think the answer is that one should be uncomfortable and be comforted by others. But I still question whether we shouldn't love others and just love ourselves. In a way it is horrible, but if everyone was doing it, then comfortable people would not be forced to be uncomfortable.

Friday, August 20, 2010

If I ever cheat on my wife it will be you I'm fucking.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Basically anyone who wakes up in the morning and feels any less than Superman and Batman rolled into one can qualify for a pot prescription.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Monday, July 19, 2010

A post.

I've learned a bit today. My life, to a large degree, consists of getting others to support the reality that I have created for myself. Sometimes that is a fundamental reality, other times it is wishy washy.

Monday, July 5, 2010

"Not attack by the method of cutting off the heads of the people, but attack in the sense of discuss. I believe that we should demand that people try in their own minds to obtain for themselves a more consistent picture of their own world; that they not permit themselves the luxury of having their brain cut in four pieces or two pieces even, and on one side they believe this and on the other side they believe that, but never try to compare the two points of view. Because we have learned that, by trying to put the points of view that we have in our head together and comparing one to the other, we make some progress in understanding and in appreciating where we are and what we are. And I believe that science has remained irrelevant because we wait until somebody asks us questions or until we are invited to give a speech on Einstein's theory to people who don't understand Newtonian mechanics, but we never are invited to give an attack on faith healing or astrology--on what is the scientific view of astrology today.
"I think that we must mainly write some articles. Now what would happen? The person who believes in astrology will have to learn some astronomy. The person who believes in faith healing will have to learn some medicine, because of the arguments going back and forth; and some biology. In other words, it will be necessary that science become relevant. The remark which I read somewhere, that science is all right so long as it doesn't attack religion, was the clue that I needed to understand the problem. As long as it doesn't attack religion it need not be paid attention to and nobody has to learn anything. So it can be cut off from modern society except for its applications, and thus be isolated. And then we have this terrible struggle to explain things to people who have no reason to want to know. But if they want to defend their own points of view, they will have to learn what yours is a little bit. So I suggest, maybe incorrectly and perhaps wrongly, that we are too polite."
-- The Role of Scientific Culture in Modern Society, 1964

Sunday, June 27, 2010

"Our conflict is with job-wardens and consumer-keepers of a permissive looney-bin. Property, credit, interest, insurance, installments, profit are stupid concepts. Millions of have-nots and drop-outs in the U.S. are living on an overflow of technologically produced fat. They aren't fighting ecology, they're responding to it. Middle-class living rooms are funeral parlors and only undertakers will stay in them. Our fight is with those who would kill us through dumb work, insane wars, dull money morality."

Lol...poker face.

"An event for the main business district of any U.S. city. Infiltrate the largest corporation office building with life-actors as nymphomaniacal secretaries, clumsy repairmen, berserk executives, sloppy security guards, clerks with animals in their clothes. Low key until the first coffee-break and then pour it on.

Secretaries unbutton their blouses and press shy clerks against the wall. Repairmen drop typewriters and knock over water coolers. Executives charge into private offices claiming their seniority. Guards produce booze bottles and playfully jam elevator doors. Clerks pull out goldfish, rabbits, pigeons, cats on leashes, loose dogs.

At noon 1000 freed beings singing and dancing appear outside to persuade employees to take off for the day. Banners roll down from office windows announcing liberation. Shills in business suits run out of the building, strip and dive in the fountain. Elevators are loaded with incense and a pie fight breaks out in the cafeteria. Theater is fact/action."

Friday, June 25, 2010

Sometimes I feel just as guilty looking at people who are fully clothed as I do looking at people who are naked. Is it wrong to pursue beauty with my eyes. My conscious or nature or nurture seems to think so. I think I will seek to break this habit and stare at bottoms and faces and waists and perhaps breasts are still taboo because women can't really cover them up?

But what about faces? Some people have really beautiful faces. And faces are naked. It's a good thing big sunglasses are in fashion. This is a serious issue.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

can I feel the tension on the trigger
perhaps it slides easily
the mechanics are all the same
but to each their own

some pull the trigger in one fluid motion
others tangiblize the tension
others drop the gun
and others don't have this fun

Have you ever contemplated embracing pure evil? It doesn't seem very sustainable. I think that is what my book is going to be about. Someone embracing evil in modern day society. Are their evil things that can still shock or at least interest people? I think so.

Anger is some scary shit, someone once said righteous anger is A-ok.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

World power is established not by the intelligence and prosperity of any cultural location, but by an arbitrarily geographical commitment to war and military advancement.

The worst part of fighter drones is that it reduces the sacrifice that war must endure, for at least one side.

Far more have been claimed by our Military conquests. Feeding more soldiers to the ground is worth the comfortable American existence enjoyed by so many. War will grow larger unless powerful entities take dramatic risks to improve humanity.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I am tired of sitting in front of a computer screen and expecting to be transported, or even changed. I think that is why I stray from writing, as I see it showing me how nothing has changed.

But I know from observations throughout the day that I am a changing person. I have been trying to restructure my ulterior sub-cortex to recognize that... exercise and activity is good. But my computer and playing games and reading stories and watching videos has become my arch enemy this night. But I write and that shall be my exercise.

Whatever the state of our existence, as if we can comprehend it, there(here) is the present.

And anything is possible.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Suicide fails over time, there's less and less to kill.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Some discouraging shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfNpRoCbY5E - bout a minute in.

"We can do better with peace than with war." - Crowd boos/cheers.

I plan to start using twitter more.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Some verse

not quite as sad
as the old man remembering
the man he lost his wife to
and thinking, before his eyes forever close,
that love is a fable
and the wife, who only thinks of him
on the anniversary
of their son's death,
smiles happily at the man she ran away with,
certain that love is not a fable

this isn't quite as sad as that.


As the music played
he started to hear it again
as he had those first few years
but only for a moment
and soon he forgot even
to desire anything at all

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

i could use some sadness.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


I often find myself contemplating what is important. What is important?

There are three things that I think most people view, in some combination, as important: /G/od, money, and comfort. (Comfort may be the end to the means of money and god, however, there are many who will sacrifice comfort on the altar of god or money.)

Of these three limiting importances, I gravitate to comfort by means of money. There is not a lot of emphasis on the money. I spend money freely, I do not save, and I do not work especially hard to procure it.

This drive for comfort, fed by convenience, is now even subconscious and certainly natural. But with my consciousness I rebuke it. With my consciousness I rebuke the importance of anything. A battle of my conscious mind and natural functioning is occuring. But it's not really that important who wins.

Unless, regardless of the battle's outcome, I try to live my life based on what others think is important. I pray that this outcome is an ally of my natural importance seeking functioning and that my mind will meet it and slay it in battle.

A foreign affair

So it seems that I received some pining communications between a danish woman and a man that she thinks my email address represents. A man she has copulated with.

Google had a rough time with her writings, but the jist of what she says is pretty apparrent. I sent her translated english basically explaining that I am not who she thinks I am!

The correspondence follows if you are interested.

Hej du

Ih, jeg bliver jo ogsaa saadan helt savne-agtig, naar jeg faar alle
dine soede beskeder!

OG jeg kan godt genkende, hvad du skriver - der er ligesom to
forskellige maader at savne paa. Den der, som kommer, naar jeg skal
sove og jeg savner at have dig taet paa og maerke at du er der. og det
saa er haandvarmeri i armhulen eller andet...

men saa savner jeg ogsaa DIG! at vaere sammen med dig og at du er en
del af mit daglige liv... Det er virkelig meget maerkeligt at gaa fra
at have vaeret sammen hver dag i Ry - til slet ikke at se hinanden i
mere end to maaneder! Og jeg savner at have dig taet paa paa den
maade. Og lige nu oplever jeg saa meget som jeg virkelig gerne ville
dele med dig! Men du maa nok overleve endnu flere afrika-anekdoter,
naar jeg er hjemme igen...

Sov, da jeg fik dine beskeder i nat, men IH hvor ville det dog vaere
dejligt, hvis du kunne faa opfyldt dit juleoenske! (dog er jeg ikke
sikker paa, at du ville vare fremme, foer jeg var paa vej hjemad igen
- saa det er maaske ikke den bedste ide...)

Har taenkt virkelig meget paa dig her de sidste dage.

Kys fra mig! ...og det der med at kunne sende kys og sex elektronisk
lyder nu ganske trist efter min smag....

roughly translates to

Hey you

Oh, I will of course also completely miss such-like when I get all
your sweet messages!

AND I can recognize what you write - there are just two
different ways to miss on. It is coming when I must
sleep and I miss having you close to the mark and that you are there. and
then haandvarmeri in the armpit or other ...

but then I miss you too! to be with you and that you are a
Part of my daily life ... It really is very strange to go from
that have been together every day in fame - for not seeing each other in
more than two months! And I miss having you close to in the
manner. And right now I experience as much as I really wanted
share with you! But you should probably survive many more African-anecdotes,
when I'm home again ...

Sleep when I got your messages last night, but IH where it would nevertheless be
great if you could have met your juleoenske! (Though I am not
sure that you would trade promotion before I was on the way home again
- So it is perhaps not the best idea ...)

've Thought really highly of you here in the last days.

Kisses from me! ... And with that could send kisses and sex electronic
now sounds quite sad for my taste ....

and more recently

God morgen!
Hvordan gaar det med baadkoebet? Og hvor skal vi sejle hen foerst - det er jo en perfekt loesnig vi har fundet - droppe alt det der med studie, arbejde OG hus i faxe og bare gaa paa pension med det samme. Det kraever maaske en skule overtalelse i ydelsesservice, eller hvem pokker, der nu bevilliger pension til folk.
Var det en god tur i biografen i gaar - hvad saa Ì?
Her gaar det bedre med syge Aja. Her til morgen er hun allerede lidt friskere – har spist lidt aeble og groed. Og som hun siger ”Saa laenge jeg ikke bevaeger oejnene og holder mit hovede helt stille, har jeg det egentlig meget fint”.
Men puha, hvor var det skraemmende paa hospitalet. Aja var saa skidt, at hun fik lov til at laane en hospitalsseng, mens vi ventede og de tog proeverne. Tror altsaa naesten at man bliver mere syg af at komme paa det hospital. Det er virkelig sidste udvej, naar afrikanere betaler for at blive indlagt paa hospitalet, de mennesker, som laa i sengene var virkeligt syge og de fleste af dem bare skind og ben. Og meget af tiden, mens vi var der var der en hjerteskarerende barnegraad – det var slet ikke til at baere. Og saa stod doeren til operationsstuen bare paa vid gab - saa der kunne man ogsaa lige faa sig et spaendende kig:S

Jeg skulle proeve at vaere den rolige, men jeg er jo hunderaed for naale, blod, hospitaler og syge mennesker – saa det var lige et sted for mig. Aja tog det heldigvis ret cool.

Det vaerste var naesten at se deres toilet, Aja skulle derud for at give en affoeringsproeve(hvilket hun saa ikke kunne, da hun naesten ikke har spist de sidste tre dage). Der var hverken vand, toiletpapir eller saebe. Det er altsaa virkelig en hurtig maade at faa spredt smitten mellem patienterne. Og saa var det kun ca. halvdelen af sengene, som havde hyggenet - igen virkelig smart, naar mange af patienterne har malaria. Naa vi fik ikke rigtig svar paa saa meget, hun har ikke malaria og de mente ikke at hun skulle i drop lige nu, men fortsaetter det skal hun komme igen. De var ret overbevist om, at hun havde nogle bakterier i maven og hun fik piller med hjem i alle regnbuens farver –mod orm –mod opkast -noget antibiotikum og dehydreringssalt.
Det gaar heldigvis bedre nu - hun har kunne holde lidt mad i sig og forsoeger at tvinge det der dehydreringssalt i hende - nu blandet op med ribena saft, da det smager helt forfaerdeligt.
Naa ja, det blev lige en lang sygehistorie... Vi snakkes ved - vi kunne maaske ogsaa snakke over skype en eftermiddag i naeste uge, eller maaske onsdag morgen, du moeder stadig sent ik?
taenker paa dig

which roughly translates to

Good morning!

How is baadkoebet? And where should we go to first - it's a perfectly separable, we have found - drop all that with study, work and house fax and just retire immediately. It requires, perhaps, a School of persuasion in granting service, or who damn, now assigns EUR pension to people.

Was it a good trip to the movies yesterday - what then Ì?

You go better with sick Aja. This morning she's already a little fresher - has eaten a little apple and porridge. And she says "So long as I do not moves the eyes and keep my head perfectly still, I feel really very good."

But primer where it was intimidating at the hospital. Aja was so bad that she was allowed to borrow a hospital bed while we waited and they took the tests. Believe therefore that it almost becomes more sick of getting at the hospital. It really is a last resort, when Africans are paying for being admitted to hospital, the people who lay in the beds were really sick and most of them are just skin and bones. And much of the time while we were there there was a heart cut sparkling barnegraad - it was not at all to bear. And so was the door to the operating room just at the floodgates - then there could also just get themselves an exciting look: S

I would try to be the quiet, but I am of course terrified of needles, blood, hospitals and sick people - so it was just a place for me. Aja took it thankfully pretty cool.

The worst was almost seeing their toilet, Aja was also to give a affoeringsproeve (which she could not because she hardly ever has eaten the last three days). There was no water, toilet paper or soap. So it is really a quick way to spread infection between patients. And then it was only approx. half of the beds that had cosiness - again, really smart, when many of the patients have malaria. Well we got no real answer to so much, she does not have malaria and they did not believe that she was the drop right now, but it continues she will come again. They were quite convinced that she had some bacteria in the stomach and she was given pills to take home with all colors, from worm-to-vomit some antibiotic and dehydration salt.

It shows fortunately better now - she could keep some food in it and trying to force it to dehydration salt in her - now mixed up with Ribena juice because it tastes quite awful.

Well, it was just a long history ... Talk to you know - we could perhaps talk over skype one afternoon next week, or maybe Wednesday morning, you still meeting late right?

think of you


Saturday, February 27, 2010

Christopher Buckley, P.J. O'Rourke, Dave Barry and (especially) Mark Steyn are the best social & political satirists today (If you don't count Paul Krugman's unintentionally hilarious stuff). I read Ann Coulter, too, and she's funny, but I get the sense that she's always spoiling for a fight. A little ramble: Yesterday I was up early, as usual, and I'm glad I turned on the light before I sat down for my "morning meditation and reflection time," because there was a mouse in the toilet. Just the thought is kind of "eeeuw!" When I told her about it she said that she was glad I saw it before her because she would have freaked. I told her she doesn't have to aim, so she doesn't turn on the light anyway. And then I was thinking, a toilet inside and out is slippery. I can understand how a mouse IN a toilet can't get OUT, but how does one get IN? Look at your own toilet; there's nothing for a mouse to climb up. For a couple of days now, our cat has been hanging out by the back door, sitting, staring and probably stalking this very mouse. It makes sense that a mouse might sneak through a hole in the back somehow. It's an old house; there must be all manners of ingress and egress. (ADD aside: That sounds smarter than "entrance" and "exit," doesn't it? For fun I like to say it in German: "eingang" and "ausfahrt." Yes, I've driven the autobahn.) And we keep our toaster in the pantry by the back door -- lots of delectable crumbs. Skeeter (the cat) hasn't been hanging out there lately. The mouse, I would surmise ("guess" for normal people), is gone. My question is: Did Skeeter catch the mouse, kill it, and put it in the toilet? Where did she learn proper mouse carcass disposal techniques? Or is there a more reasonable, believable explanation? Which reminds me... I once told a girl I was dating "my cat caught a mouse." She was taken aback in the way that only women can be, hand over the mouth and all that. "You have MICE?!" she said. I said "No, I have a cat." I don't think she understood because she never came back to my apartment, or, maybe she just wasn't that into me. My neighbors and I had a "borrow-a-cat" program. Whenever they saw a mouse, I'd bring my cat over. It a few hours or so, he'd be back at my apartment door. Mission accomplished.