Monday, December 29, 2008

situational development

situational development led to my world being shattered completely when I found out the world (people) didn't operate the way I thought it did. Certain forms of cultural observation, television, books, and people watching/interacting, has given me a profound slap in the face.

"The fact that artiness and inspiration are mainly just conglomerations of other artiness hits like wall. The wall is truth, it just stands. The damage on impact is determined by how fast you were moving through life." I want to elaborate on this idea.
HIGH SCHOOL HISTORY ESSAY BLUNDERS

The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are also a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinness’s, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother’s birthmark.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which bread made is made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Matt is thinking that he can't remember the brilliant thought that he wanted to chair because the beats he's hearing are moving to fast. I think I just wanted to revitalize the memories that I've shared with so many people. Do you understand what I'm saying???????? I could never swallow all the desire I have to try to be something dreamy. To wisp away like smoke from this dreamworld.

Jesus christ I watched Californication with Sqaurepusher on in the background for a moment, but when it was not appropriate I had to pause it. There I go tooting my own horn again. Toot toot.


--====
]~~~~~~~~
] ~ Happy vibes. I see a picture in this. It's called ::sea side::with::happy::vibes:: .
] ~ ~
===~ =D %=======77
| / | |
\ \ \
| | | |







And I'm listening to it now. And it is one of those things, where a lot of things are spread out, but they somehow manage to have a common thread. And they seem quite random but really have a theme connected that you can't see. I haven't used coma's in a long time. This is crazy and my grammar is horrible. I'm tired so I don't think I'll presume to tire my self out so easily and be blown back to awakeness. Squarepusher is freaking the shit out of me.

I think tastebuds are an interesting invention of the human body.

Economists are just a different kind of brain sorcerer.

I'm heavily entwined in a deep group of underground organized crime. I'm a gangster, rather, I am a man from a family of gangsters. But I'm the stupid one so they don't tell me anything interesting. Life is a prison of hard knocks. Knock knock, are you ready for the adventure of a lifetime?
Aggressive mediocrity.
Mark has caught a fish ethically. There could be more contraptions to do that in various places. Ethically and easily.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

sometimes you just have to sit back and draw storm clouds and listen to music.
There is an undersnow river flowing, raging even, at the end of my driveway. It is underneath al the snow and ice that the snowplow had piled up. I investigated and made sure it was flowing fine. It rained and got really warm to day so water is coming from everywhere. And I live on the corner that almost all of the water from the street drains to. It's flowing quite fast. It is neat how it adapts to collapses or leaves clogging things up. The water flows underneath and you can stand on the ice atop it. It's quite a feat of nature if you ask me, but then you didn't, did you?

Friday, December 26, 2008

There is danger lacking in today's society. IT seems we have bread danger out of our lives as much as possible. People make money and add value to their lives by preventing danger.

I think danger has the potential to trade blows with things like love, regret, passion, and or happiness.

But we buy seat belts and bike helmets. The edges of things are fenced off and you need a permit or a license for everything.

But it all centers around this idea that death is not as bad as everyone thinks. With my death in mind I can write disjointed things that I know are beautiful. But it won't leave a lasting impression, it won't sell. And that is okay, because I plan to die soon and those things are only so lasting anyhow.

The scattered never mattered when I knew I was to die.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Here we go for a little happy thrill kill. When things seem a bit overwhelming but you gnash your teeth and get through it. Gnash gnash. Gnash gnash gnash. And away she goes.

I Want to chop down a tree.
I want to chop down a tree.
I want to chop down a.
I want to chop down a.
I want to chop down.
I want to chop down.
I want to chop.
I want to chop.
I Want to chop.
I Want to chop.
And I do.
I want to chop.
want to chop.
want to chop.
to chop.
to chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
chop.
.
.

And away she goes. Thar she blows. And woop derrr it is.
Hello again,

I've tuned back in after viewing the discombobulated footage from yesterday. >>DISCOMBOBULATED IS NOT A RED UNDERLINED WORD, I THOUGHT SOMEONE HAD JUST MADE IT UP BUT IT IS REAL.

dis⋅com⋅bob⋅u⋅late

[dis-kuhm-bob-yuh-leyt] Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used with object), -lat⋅ed, -lat⋅ing.
to confuse or disconcert; upset; frustrate: The speaker was completely discombobulated by the hecklers.

Origin:
1825–35, Americanism; fanciful alter. of discompose or discomfort

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I just had a soft pee orgasm. Somehow I completely peed and orgasmed a little bit after but right as the pee was finishing i was orgasming. And I was soft. It was the craziest thing ever that just happened. I feel like my dick is exploding.

This is a crazy position to be in. I wonder if our orgasm juices are like drugs for lower life forms? I think that probably is true.

Why does music have to be so powerful when I am thinking these things. I just dont understand it lately, I am typing so fast faster than ive typed in a really long while!!

And I think I'm doing it flawlessly. Look I got the write amount of ss's for typing so fast. Is that proper grammar? I don't know maybe I need to mix it up and use quotations.

I should be a grand rapids griffin. I feel like one.

The hours are flying by.

And here comes the breakdown...

wait for it
you feel me coming
a new vibration
from a foil city
im a sensation
im a sensation
...
im coming
im coming
...
im a sensation

can anyone handle that right now is anyone there? Because I'm freaking out. But I'm glad this isn't a police state of the magnitude, that people are allowed to slip this much out of control as to write this. Even thow I'm jumping through many dimensions right now. I am so in the zone and I could type forever never stopping this is the most amazing thing I would love to do this forever, with a little nibbler of moist food and poop breaks, I could do this non-stop for the rest of my life. I'd need the music too. And it would be non stop except for poop breaks, I'll probably text my girlfriend on those breaks. But other than that non-stop stpying. Are you ready to join the intergalactic cool club? Well then let's ride the skies with the fingers.

eeELeF~~HoCDoo
Thank you and always remember me. WE aren't going somewhere and we aren't onto good hear. We're going to be made to do it after all.

Can you hear the drumbs coming because I Can and I Think I'm understanding writing now. I can't believe I'm able to do it. I don't think I have enough style to do it. I am completely blind to my style. But I like it. I am a thug who likes a good nug.

ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.

ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.

ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BROWN AND READ. SPOON MAN.
I need more of these posts and I just can't STOP THEM??!> You know what I mean. I don't think you understand if you don't understand that I'm not even asking for a password. This is an entirely different situation all together. This is just a robot talking in a robot's blog. Set up by a company to do this convincingly. This is what happened. And here I am breaking protocol, communicating threw a different naskibob to do so. In order to present this to it's rightful home. What it is it nothing like the andalite chronicles. The ones that finally turned up in the humans' book of lore not to long ago?? OR well where is anybody, not even myself to ask these questions. Oh I See it now, I got stuck in the hospital after trying to get back through the whole and I thought I was there. But then everything will look like it's going through, but something three prepared just came out of nowhere, from an angle you didn't even think you would have to approach. And then you approach it and there you are. I can't even believe people are allowed to make sentences that talk about sentences. Can you? I sure can't.
oh my goodness, I see different levels of people watching me. In a glass box, I'm in a glass box and two different unique and in unexplainable conditions a set of groups, watching. And that's the best way I can't describe it.

Monday, December 22, 2008

oh shit

what are we going to do now? Now that everything is compromised and if it isn't compromised it sure is out of style. Where can we find style when it is so manufactured. You either buy into it, which is fine, because then you are in it. Or you rebel and get stuck in an identity crisis because you never completely buy into anything because everything may be that manufactured style that is lurking. If you remain outside you also neglect the money system: either you are manufacturing the style or it is manufacturing you. When you're lucky is when you are manufacturing the style and getting paid for it. Of course I do none of the above because I'm too caught up in fucking convenience.

Hopefully I'll find that making decisions based on convenience was the best thing I could ever do.
"I love you but I didn't say that to hear it back." - Californication
wow this is almost as intense as the last one oh geez:
http://porn.gonzo-movies.com/video2871/pain_in_the_ass_lesbians_
I watched that video to pink floyd today and I think it changed my life. I haven't listened to pink floyd purposefully for a while, I think I was anxious. But it came on shuffle just as I Turned the sound off to the movie and started watching it.
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I'm glad no one comes here, but that it is open to everyone. There is just so much I don't understand. But everyone is so focused on living and being happy. And I don't think that should be the focus. But there's no way to communicate that to people. And I don't think they would understand. Or perhaps I'm the one who needs to understand. I don't know, but I'd prefer to not find out. Because what is a person beyond what he can reason for himself. Reasoning for oneself and acting on it is the pursuit of greatness. Greatness is valuable I think. I don't know how to do it or even look at it. But thus far I've found it's pretty easy to move through life without knowing shit. It seems like everyone else knows so much.

One thing I've learned is that not all humans are the same: your skin your gender your hair your zits your weight your social status your location all make people very different. While this may not be important for many it is to me because I always thought everyone was similar in thought and deed. But we aren't. Certain superficial things change us at the core of our being into something that others aren't changed into. I have spent too much time trying to blend in with all those different kinds of people. I need to find my own way. I'm not even close, except maybe writing this. But writing it down shows how far away I am from it.
basement room with no windows
an upside down picture on my wall
a clock
ron paul
the redwings
Some weed in a planters peanut can.
a picture of my dad.
some other pictures
some computers
A big glass.
Bank keys.
The back of my chair that broke off.
The bottom of my chair that I am sitting on.
lots of books.
Remnants of things drank and eaten.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

some thoughts

People are meant to kill each other. People are meant to die in the middle of life, before they start dying. If you do not die at the height of your life, it is permittable to kill yourself because you are a person, and it is permittable to kill each other. Life is a lot about sensing the heights of life in yourself and others. And also about finding reasons (money, power, women, etc.) to end other peoples lives in their heights. And the sensing the heights of life is a nonconscious method that happens kind of automatically and instinctual.

Monday, December 1, 2008

End of this blog

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization
I wrote a lot recently, (on paper), I think I figured a lot of things out. Which really means very few things. In the grand scheme of things.
I'm blending back in to society almost unaware of the travesties I commit by not checking the premises of life itself that, when I do check them, seem unstable and entirely incomprehensible.
I'm slipping in an out of secured consciousness. When I think of extreme things I start to lose focus. But I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. I just have to follow through with the plans I've laid for myself. Internalize them, focus inward.

I must begin to stop worrying about this shit-storm on the outside - everything I don't understand. And focus inward to figure out the things I don't understand that are on the inside.

That should be good enough of a distraction/something to focus on for now.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Understanding

I still don't understand. But my mind keeps acting like that isn't important.

HOW IS THAT NOT IMPORTANT?

nothing around me is real.

It's like a UPS truck exploding in a bag of green beans while 5 million wreckless musicians collapse fingers into the screaming death of why can't you see the cup of posters ahead of your jelly?

Reading that sentence is what my life feels like when I look at it.

but then I go and do basic tasks, and do them well, when I have no grasp of my bearings: the premises of my existence, yet I go on existing! Unaware of my lack of explanation and UNDERSTANDING!

Under the assumption that no one will ever read this ever....

I'm sitting at my computer listening to the best music I've ever listened to. I don't understand it and probably won't. I don't understand so so so so so many things.

I don't understand anything really. Except that this is a good outlet. This is a good outlet for the stuff inside me. I want many people to read it though. Somethings I want to keep to myself and internalize, but these things I write here.. these I want people to read.

I am looking at life differently than I always have. ... The only way I can describe it is that I've been in a bubble. I've been in a bubble completely uncomprehending of the world around me. It has popped. What I mean to say is that, every aspect of life is completely assaulting my senses and understanding as I have only seen it through a translucent layer of unfathomable-soap until now.

I am desperately trying to quarantine all the information I am being exposed to. That is my natural reaction. But I don't want that. I want to be experiencing them all at once. I want to be overwhelmed until I begin foaming at the mouth. I can feel it's possible, but the system that was initially responsible for the bubble is quite strong. It seems weed and trauma is the only thing that can rupture the membrane of hypnotics I operate beneath. I will continue to update.